Quotes 2008 - 2009

Previous quotes available in the results and records section.

• “I am a male lesbian, it's just too late to have a sex change”
  

  -Darren suffers an identity crisis.

• “Right, so we’re in Germany, neither of us can speak German, we’re not entirely sure where we’re going, it’s cold, snowing, and there may be wolves.”
  

  -Tim's assessment of the situation sets alarm bells ringing as he and Graham attempt to make the club's first appearance at the JOGU cup in Mainz.

• “You nearly got arrested!”
  “How was I supposed to know it was illegal?!”
  

  -Graham and Peter reminisce about events on an earlier tour of Germany. Basil Fawlty would have been proud.

• “Did you say your boyfriend’s name was Maureen?”
  

  -Yong politely asks for clarification of this alarming development.

• “St George just trod on an iguana.”
  

  -Darren has little time for legends or patriotism.

• “Why search for midgets? Children are far more numerous.”
  

  -Graham fails to recognise that rarity makes the hunt more rewarding.

• “We should all wear our fencing kit and go to church. It’s on Sundays!”
  

  -We are not sure which is more worrying; David's marketing plan for the club or his expectation that church timetables are unknown to the rest of us.

• “There’s a very good expression in German for this: Scheisse!”
  

  -Johann assesses the team's performance during a disastrous BUCS match.

• “Do you have an egg in your bag?”
  “Of course, I'm a chicken, what do you expect?”
  

  -Darren and Miss Poulet discuss Biology.

• “She looks like an 11 year old refugee.”
  “Well, she has a boyfriend.”
  “HE BELONGS IN JAIL!!”
  

  -Darren and Blandine discuss a female fencer.

• “I’m trying to imagine you without the whiskers…”
  

  -It's not often a man can say that to a woman and get away with it, but Simon managed to with Rosie.

• “Being thin does not make you look young.”
  “Yes, my grandfather is on a drip, he doesn't look good.”
  

  -Darren and Ted take issue with the size zero trend.

• “In Yong’s defence, it is now legal to [do something very uncomfortable to] a woman at 18. It may even be 16, I haven't checked”
  

  -Quite why Yong needed defending on this issue nobody can remember, but he is very glad Darren was there to do it.

• “I wish you were a woman.”
  “I could be.”
  

  -Yong's attempted seduction of Graham apparently has no boundaries.

• “Tim is fingering me, what's happening?”
  

  Darren expresses alarm as he becomes aware of his surroundings.

• “I used to buy CD singles on tape.”
  

  -Darren's grip on reality slips again.

• “No! There's definitely another one, I can remember. [long pause] I can't remember.”
  

  -Darren's brain is an endless source of frustration for him.